Happy New Year!
I’m okay now 🙂 One year on, my heart and my soul are whole again, and I feel like myself. Sorry for the lack of posting, I have limited access to the net. Will try harder 2016!!
New Category: 365 Little Great Moments
Look after yourselves,
H
“So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night,” And I go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you. Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine. I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time. All the time.”
I don’t know how to stop thinking about you. I’m here in this big old empty house and although I’m feeling better than I have in good long while, I just can’t get you out of my head. I miss talking to you so much.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Express Yourself!.”
What came to mind? Well I can’t be the only one that immediately remembers this beauty?
Sometimes I have way too many emotions to process, and so if I need to figure out what is going on in my crazy head I’ve got a number of things I do, here are a couple.
My current obsession is writing. I have a notebook that I just write down the stream of thoughts that tumble from my head. Not quite a diary, I only really write in it when I need some room up here to think, so I put it all in one place. And once it’s all out, I love seeing if I can make something worthwhile from all the thoughts and feelings I go through so it gets churned and turned into something that resembles poetry. Sometimes it’s awful…
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But I’ll get by without your smile
and I’ll get through without you
(But I wish it was me you chose)
YOU . ME. Maybe we we never meant to be.
This has been stuck in my head for about four days so on this blog it goes!
I found this bit of magic, written by Celestine Chua who is the founder of Personal Excellence site. The original article is here. Hope you find it useful!
My Journey in Moving On
Thinking About Him
After we parted ways, I focused on living my life. Staying away from G made it easier to move on. No more confusing signals to throw me off track. No more mind games. No more ambiguity. While I was hurt on the inside, at least now I could focus on the path of recovery rather than be left hanging in the middle of no man’s land. I was sad and disappointed that G was not the one, but I remained hopeful that my special someone was out there and I would meet him someday.
Yet, a part of me still thought about G. This tended to arise in certain moments, such as when I was by myself, when my friends talked about guys/relationships, when I saw couples together, or when I was down. I would think back about the past, and the times we were together. Thinking about him would trigger different emotions. Sweetness and nostalgia from the happy times. Confusion over why exactly he acted that way. Frustration, sadness and Continue reading
I’m feeling a little disconnected from everyone and everything. Like I’m not quite here. I could this listen to this album for days.
Sorry I haven’t added to The Song Diary for such a long time!!
This has been in my head for the last week!
I’m all over it now
And I can’t say how glad I am about that
Cause I worked and I cursed and I cried
And I said I could change but I lied
Well there’s something still moves me inside
Today, I realised that I judge myself to harshly. I am always striving for this perfection and (not surprisingly) always falling short. I have held this notion that the reason I fail is because I am not trying hard enough. I just need to get my head down, do a few more hours of work a night, get up a little earlier to fit a little more into my day, go for another run etc. And when I don’t, I beat myself up – mentally.
I call myself fat, stupid, ugly, I’m a horrible person, lazy, thick, I can’t cope (and I should be able to), weak, helpless, etc etc.
But I am wrong.
I need to start seeing that all of these expectations are mine and mine alone. If I change my attitude – get rid of all these stupid expectations of myself, then I will never fall short of them.
So today. And tomorrow. And until the day I die.
I am good enough.
Thinking of you less. It’s been reduced from 24/7 to maybe as few as ten times a day.
I keep on making the wrong decisions. The selfish ones, the short term fixes, those temporary highs. Not the right ones, the ones that hurt now but will do less damage in the long term. I am feeling small, disappointed in myself. I am losing myself in an ocean of reality, all the while feeling smothered and pushed and pulled in all directions but none that will lead me to shore. This broken smile will not keep me afloat for much longer, and I need to stop waiting for you to throw me a rope and learn to swim.
I am okay. Just not where I expect to be. But I need to stop beating myself up for it and accept that even I am only human.
Tomorrow will be better. I just need a day to be miserable before I start the journey towards feeling okay.
andthentireuniverseconspired 